Have you ever been at a crossroads in your life where you feel as if you're being pulled in two directions? On one hand, you believe God is whispering to you to "walk this way?" and on the other hand, familiarity and the comfort zone beckons you to stay, don't go? At least here you know what to do and how to do.
The other side of this seemingly same coin is a reassuring voice saying, "Come into the deep; I'm with you and will take care of you; you can do it!" The struggle that I've been having for the past two years is going back into the "job" market doing what I did over 22 years ago - legal secretary and administrative work.
Every time I look through the job listing on online employment companies, I see absolutely nothing to sparks life in my spirit and soul. I know in my heart that this chapter of my life for this type of work is over! Yet, in my desperation to provide for myself so I can move back into my own space, keeps me going back, searching the same old kinds of jobs, knowing I have zero passion or desire for what I know I can do.
It's taken me my entire adult life (I'm now 59 years old!) to acknowledge, accept, and receive that I am an artist at heart and am so at home there. I have been blessed with many natural talents (drawing, sewing, crochet, singing, writing) that I had buried alive! I only discovered my gift/talent to crochet in August 2016 during a time I relocated to Las Vegas, NV and where I became extremely ill with severe breathing problems and allergic reaction to my granddaughters 2 cats; I was living with them at the time. This was the worst I've ever been sick; I rarely ever got sick.
It was during this time; however, when I was in the Dollar Store and happened to see crochet yarn and hooks and impulsively grabbed one of each, telling myself I wanted to try and see if I could still remember the crochet stitches I learned some 40 years ago. You see, when I was a teenage pregnant girl, I was taught how to crochet basic stitches and never really made much of anything. As I grew older, crochet was no longer a part of my life.
After 40 plus years, here I was reunited with yarn and a crochet hook. I was shocked to learn that I still remembered the basic stitches; it all just flowed right out of my head! My attempts to crochet were pretty horrible, but I refused to give up and after three days or so I was actually designing and making my own bags! I was hooked and I just kept getting better and making more challenging things. I became consumed by it and it helped me during the time I was so sick for months!
Crocheting started leading me to dig up my other creative things I once so enjoyed and brought me tremendous happiness and fulfillment on a deep level. I started drawing again; I only used to draw cartoons from other drawings I saw. Had no formal training but at an early age, I remember the pictures in the TV Guides back in the day.
I recall seeing a raccoon and thought to myself "I'm going to see if I can draw this and send it in." Much to my amazement, I was able to draw it! I was so happy and proud of myself. It wasn't embraced or acknowledged by my family, however. I always wanted to draw portraits but never seemed to be able to do so.
Here I am today able to draw faces of people I've never seen but in my own imagination and they look like a person, with real features (Lol). It's all a miracle from God; there's NO other explanation for me!
The only thing I want to do is practice and perfect and share my gifts with the world! I want to make my a living using my gifts/talents and creativity as a business. It's taken my whole life seems like for me to finally acknowledge that I am an ARTIST!!!! Sitting in an office all day, typing, answering phones, filing, etc. is quite boring compared to the sense of happiness and fulfillment I get when I'm creating something beautiful for other people and glorifying God by using what He's entrusted me with!
By God's grace and wisdom, I trust and believe He's going to show me how to do what I believe He's put into my heart for this time and season of my life. I can't shut it off and frankly, I don't want to. I'm praying for God to bless me with a sewing machine. I'm so excited to be reconnected to my authentic self. I want to encourage any other woman or man out there to allow yourself to be WHO God's made you unapologetically!